Thursday, August 04, 2005

Camp Crawford

After praising the French for all the vacation time that they have no choice but to take, the MSM is now attacking Bush for the vacation time that the President chooses to take. Bush has hosted several foreign dignitaries in his Crawford ranch, which is both a workplace, the "Texas White House", and a vacation spot. But the Huffington Post reveals that the Press Corps's opposition is not about vacation time but about location, location, location!

Prisoners of Camp Crawford complain of small cells, poor meals, constant surveillance, and disrespectful--even disdainful--treatment from Presidential staff.

"Thirty-three days in this hell-hole feels like thirty-three years," said a bitter long-time White House correspondent. "You're away from your family. We're all billeted into these crappy Waco motels--you know, the kind they hose down with antiseptic every day and you've got one lousy blanket which is made of recycled Coke bottles or something. There are huge fights for the cells with fast Internet connections but not many have them. The networks always get those. We didn't mind the facilities in Santa Barbara or Martha's Vineyard. Even Kennebunkport was more endurable than this."

A Fox News camera man agreed. "Basically you sit around in baking heat, bored out of your mind. How many times can you visit the 'Texas Sports Hall of Fame' or beat Nora O'Donnell at Scrabble? Nothing happens, except maybe when one of the staff summons you to watch the President pulling brush. After a few minutes, they pile you back into the buses, and that's it. It's torture."

All inmates interviewed agreed that the food they were served was inferior to that of other camps, such as Guantanamo. "How can I put this?" said a Los Angeles-based correspondent. "The meals would be paradise if you were six-years-old. Like, what is it going to be tonight: chicken nuggets or pizza again? It's like living that movie, 'Supersize Me.' A big deal is to go to the Marriott Courtyard's breakfast buffet. At least you can get a piece of fruit, even if it's not ripe."

The inmates agreed, however, it was far better to be in Waco than have to do duty in the press pool in the town of Crawford itself. Even Crawford's own website describes the facilities this way: "The town currently boasts only one restaurant, a converted gas station called The Coffee Station. There's no supermarket or hotel but there are five churches. Tourists will find that this 'dry' town has no sale of alcoholic beverages."

The Press Corps would probably be much happier if Bush took a vacation to Aruba. A vacation there would do wonders for Bush's ratings.


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